December 12, 2007 – Midweek Advent II
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Hi my name is Lizie and I asked Pastor Susan a couple of months ago if I could come here and tell my story. My parents attend Advent, they are sitting over there in that general direction, please memorize their faces so they can’t escape without me if I totally bomb my first public speaking experience.
Well, I am here to talk to you tonight about suffering. I believe that everyone in this very room has suffered from some kind of pain whether is be emotional, physical, or spiritual. Maybe you’ve lost a job, maybe someone you love has been sick, maybe you’ve been sick, maybe your spouse left you, or maybe there’ve been times when you’ve just felt lonely inside. Pain is everywhere, it is all around us, it’s apart of life making it utterly impossible to escape. I’ve experienced pain in different forms throughout my life but never in the way I experienced it over the course of this past year.
I am going to start my story in September of last year. At this time I was attending Washburn University in Topeka, woo woo go Bods. I was a 3.9 GPA student, an aerobics instructor, and a social butterfly with a demanding schedule. On a topical day I would wake up at 8:30, go to class from 9-11, eat, work from 12-4, do homework and eat from 2-6, teach aerobics around 7, come home and do more homework from 9-11, and then from 11-12:30 my friends and I would hang out. This lifestyle is pretty much typical for a college student, but it started to ware on me.
At this time I was a Christian, I loved Jesus and I did the “morally right” things: I didn’t drink or smoke, I was pure, I read my bible, I went to church and I prayed every now and again. I knew Jesus and I thought I was willing to walk in his ways and do his will but God was about to flip my life upside down and show me who I really was and what was most important. In my life God has changed my life and my world in two different types of ways over the past 20 years. Sometimes he grabs my attention all of the sudden; making me see what important through the eyes of a wise friend, stressful situation, or a sudden emotional battle. Other times he works on my heart in a way that’s gradual, slowly shedding away pieces until I understand the things with true value. That is what God has been doing in my life this past year, slowly he’s taken apart my schedule so that I can learn, grow, and develop a greater heart for him and his people.
I’m not going to tell you step by step everything that’s happened because so much has occurred and God has taught me so much that it would take me all day to explain, and I don’t have that kind of time. So I’ll fast-forward to August of this year and tell you how radically different my life is now than it was when I was a fast paced college student. Last year a sickness invaded my body, it was a slow onset sickness that has gradually taken over and left me the girl I am today. Today, I spend entire days in my house doing simple house hold chores when I feel well and T.V. watching when I don’t. I suffer through long dizzy spells, lack of energy, severe head aches, temporary loss of head movements, head/neck convulsions, and more. I think the hardest part in all of this is the physical evidence that I see, like hair loss. Every time I take a shower and shampoo my hair strands come out between my fingers. When I’m finished shampooing there is always a big clump of hair attached to my shower wall screaming at me. “You’re sick,” it says. “There is something in your body that’s not supposed to be there and there is nothing that you can do about it!” So, I avoid showers taking one every three days… luck for you, or shall I say the people in the first row, this is a third day J. So as you can imagine this has all been really frustrating for me at times especially when no doctors can figure out exactly what is wrong and many don’t believe that there is even anything wrong with me. There have been days of bitterness, sadness, and even anger; especially at God for the pain that I’ve been put through emotionally and physically. I’m 20 years old, I miss my friends and I want to be able to do normal things without getting tired. So on a side note I beg you not to take each other for granted, your friends and your family, and I beg you not to take the simple things like reading and walking around the block for granted either.
One Sunday I was having a really, really awful night. My neck and head were out of control, I was dizzy, and I had a migraine that was out of this world. Once my convulsions had stopped I was left exhausted, nauseated, and still very dizzy; emotionally I was sad and extremely lonely. Tears welled in my eyes and I needed someone to be there for me, I needed comfort, love. I still have no idea what compelled me to do this but I reached out my hand and I whispered to Jesus, “If you are here right now I need you. If you would could you please take my hand, you don’t have to but I really need you here, with me.” You know, you say these things and you never imagine them actually happening, but it did. I felt him take me by the hand, but being the human that I am I explained it away. I doubted and rationalized it, you know the blood is draining from my hand or something; but then my hand lifted from the pillow and against my resistance it stayed in mid air firm and steady. I laid there in astonishment and awe; all I could do was weep.
It was at that moment that I realized how insignificant I was and how great God really is. That he would humble himself from his high position in heaven to come into my room, that he, the creator of this world and this universe, would hold my hand… who am I that he would do such a thing for me? My faith became real! It was no longer a bible reading or on church service it was a friendship and relationship with this being, this real being that was in my room holding my hand.
I read a bumper sticker awhile ago that said, “the more people I meet, the more I like my dog!” I laughed because in a way I agree; my two little puppies at home are so great… when I come home they jump all over me, the smother me with kisses, and they think I’m the queen of the world. I don’t quite get that reaction from my friends or my teachers at school, I would probably be quite horrified honestly if they did. And my dogs they never say anything bad about me, and I can’t even count the number of times I’ve been hurt by the words of people or the weighing judgment of a friend. I mean seriously if you look at this world people are killing each other and for what land and oil? And friends say hurtful things about each other for what… attention, one up with the boss, a guy? I would love to say that I’m not included in this mix but that would be a lie! I’ve said and done some pretty hurtful things in my life that I wish that I could take back; that I long to take back. I’ve cheated on tests, I’ve made fun of the way people look, and I’ve even ditched certain people that I called friends to make myself look “cooler”
I guess my point in telling you all of this is to demonstrate the depth of God’s love. That he, from his high place in heaven would look down upon the earth and love these people who hurt each other, that he would see me and the evil things that I have done and love me. And in such a way that he would not even with hold his one and only holy and perfect son, Jesus Christ from me. That he would send him to this world to be crucified, taking on the cross every ill words and deed that I have done in my life so that one day I could live in heaven with my perfect and all powerful father. That just floors me! But I think what really gets me is that he didn’t just stop there with the death of his son and put his hands up and say well my work in this world is finished, no!! He came to my room when I was hurting, when I was at the lowest point, he saw my tears, he had overwhelming compassion for me and he held my hand!!
I am forever indebted to him for what he has done for me and I will forever serve him and love him. He is now not only my creator and my maker but my savior, my strength, my comfort, and my friend. I know in my heart of hearts that he desires to be that for everyone because he loves each and every one of us. Jesus loves us, Jesus loves me, and he loves you and there is nothing you can say or do to make him stop. I pray that if you want to him to be your life that if you want to embrace the love he offers for you that you don’t waste another day or another minute of your life. I pray that if you have any questions or if you just want to know more that you would come talk to me after or pastor Susan or Rogers. You are so incredible and God wants you to know how incredible he thinks you are. Life is hard there and there is no schedule, job, person, or amount of money that is going to make it any simpler but there is God and there is Jesus and they are here to get us through if we simply reach out our hand and let them take it.
Psalm 63:8 “I cling to you; your strong right hand holds me securely.”
Psalm 73:23 “Yet I still belong to you; hold my right hand.”
Psalm 110:5 “The lord stands at your right hand to protect you.”
Isaiah 41:13 “For I hold you by your right hand- I, the lord your God, and I say to you. Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.”
